Restless

Then He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.”
– Matthew 26:38

I have long been someone who enjoys being outside at night. Hopefully it doesn’t sound creepy, but I like to be out in the dark to see what I can notice. Something about the night heightens your senses. It is like you become more sensitive to the sights and sounds around you, and as you do, you somehow start to “feel” the night. Some nights feel different than others. Some nights bring a calm quiet. Other nights bring a feeling of uncertainty, even foreboding. You may not know the cause, but the feeling that comes from the night is quite real.

Have you ever wondered what that night was like? I have often tried to imagine what it felt like to the disciples, or even to the people of Jerusalem. Could they sense something different about the night? The Chosen series hasn’t progressed to that point yet, so we will have to wait for the interpretation it offers. If you ever watched Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ, you will clearly remember the opening scene in Gethsemane, and how ominous it was made to feel. Of course, that was for dramatic effect (and it was very well done). About the only thing we are told about that night is that it was cold (ref. John 18:18). Other than that we don’t know if it was cloudy or clear, quiet or unsettled. We don’t know how it would have felt to us.

We do know how the night felt to Jesus. It wasn’t so much the night itself, but what was happening in the night. To say that his spirit was uneasy would be a serious understatement. He was deeply disturbed, so much that he was desperately seeking prayerful communion with the Father. What’s more, he yearned for his closest friends to join him in that pursuit. “Keep watch with me,” Jesus said to them. He wanted them to abide with him in prayer, the kind of prayer by which one clings to the grace of the Father in times of urgent need. Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind.

Apparently the disciples did not share the same restless spirit. According to Matthew’s account, Jesus returned to Peter, James and John three times only to find them sleeping rather than praying. Each time Jesus would awaken them and encourage them to pray. Each time the disciples would fall back asleep. It’s not surprising. It was late, and they were tired. These men came from an occupation that required them to work during the night. However, they hadn’t fished for some time, and their sleep cycle had adjusted. They just did what most of us would have done; they slept.

If we feel like casting stones at the disciples, let the first stone be cast by one who has never fallen asleep while praying. (FYI, there is no rock in my hand.) Jesus’ friends receive no criticism from me. It is hard to overcome sleep when the spirit is not sufficiently inspired to override the natural needs of the body. Those disciples loved Jesus, and clearly they could see that he was troubled that evening. The difference is that Jesus felt the full gravity of the night. The disciples didn’t. Jesus’ spirit was intensely grieved. There is no way his body could have slept. The disciples may have been restless, but not overly so. For the disciples it was just another night. For Jesus, it was THE night.

There is an element in the narrative we should not miss. Jesus was not just concerned for himself. He was concerned for his friends as well, perhaps even more for them than for himself. “Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (v. 41). These were Jesus’ words to Peter, James and John. It is like Jesus was warning them that the evil at work would affect them also, and he did not want them to be caught without being dressed in their spiritual armor. And according to Jesus’ words, their spirits were willing, but their flesh was weak. It leaves us wondering what difference it would have made if they could have felt the spiritual gravity of things like Jesus did.

Picture the scene in your mind. Jesus is fervently praying, under so much stress that blood seeps from his pores. His body is tired, but his spirit is consumed with matters of eternal consequence. A sense of urgency pervades him. And as he wrestles in prayer, what are his disciples doing? Sleeping. The scene is an analogy of the Church today that may be more true than we would like to admit. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can speak for myself. It is not a stretch to imagine Jesus coming to me on just about any day and asking, “How can you sleep at a time like this?” It is both disappointing and embarrassing to consider.

Precious Jesus, in your mercy, make my spirit restless over the same things and to the same degree as your spirit. Amen.

See you back in the Gethsemane.